Past research tells us why equal power matters: More unequal relationships tend to foster more negative behaviors and poor communication, such as coercion, aggression, and violence.
Even in relationships without any violence at all, it can simply be harder to be open about how you feel and what you need when you know your partner will be able to do whatever they want anyway. But when couples are on an even playing field, there tends to be more mutual respect, more open and honest communication, and more attention to decision-making that feels good for both parties.
In unbalanced relationships, even the person with more power tends to be less happy—and this was particularly true for men in this study. The researchers hypothesize that this might have to do with having a “higher mate value,” which is essentially science-speak for “out of your league.” Essentially, someone who tends to have a lot of options for people to date will have more power in a relationship with someone who has fewer options. The person with the “higher mate value” is less dependent on the relationship because they can easily find another partner, which gives them more power in the relationship. The person with the “lower mate value” is more dependent on the relationship—but also happier with it, because they’re dating someone who’s a great catch. Meanwhile, their partner might be less enthused if they know there are better alternatives outside the relationship.
Yes, this all feels pretty icky. But it’s one contributor to power dynamics and a potential reason power-imbalanced relationships may tend to be less satisfying.