Failure is part of life. Failure is a stepping stone on the pathway to success. Neither of these two facts make failure any easier to handle. As a Father, I have watched my sons fail in areas when they really wanted to succeed. I have seen my son strike out during his turn at bat. I have seen him fail to get a 100% on a test he really wanted to get perfect. In these, and many other instances, I watched my son get very upset and discouraged by his failure. It was my job to help him through it.
In a world that places a premium on success, failure is anathema. I am not saying I want to get away from striving to succeed. I am saying that we must understand that failure and success are not enemies. They are two sides of the same coin. Here is what I say to my son after he fails.
- Everyone fails. This certainly does not make him feel better, but it is nonetheless true. Sometimes those who fail, especially children, allow themselves to be drawn into self-pity and the feeling that they “always” fail. This is not true. Remind them they are not alone.
- Failure is only bad if you don’t learn from it. Failure is a great teacher. Every great success story in America has failure in it. It is how we learn from our failures that makes a difference. Identify what went wrong, and see if there is something you can do to correct your error.
- My love for my son is not based on his percentage of success and failure. I make sure I assure him of this often. Far too many times we can give our children the impression that the only way to make us happy as parents is to succeed. I assure my son of my love and pride no matter the outcome of his endeavor.
- No one is a failure. Failure is a verb, not a noun. People fail, but people are NOT failures. I refuse to allow my son to define himself as a failure. He may fail. We all fail. None of us are failures.
- All I ever expect is his best. I hate the grading system in our schools. We say that A’s are the best and F’s are the worst. Who made that rule? What if the best a child is capable of is a B-? Should he be ridiculed because he failed to achieve and A? I have always taught my children that I expect their best, not Society’s best. I have often looked over a report card with my son and challenged them to raise a grade point average from a C+ to a B+ because I believed he was capable of more. If he does, I brag on him for the B+ because I know that it took just as much effort for him to achieve that grade as it took for another student to raise their grade from and B+ to an A.
Dads, maybe this advice can help you in dealing with your own son’s failures. I often have to remind myself of these very things when I fail. The next time your son fails; come to his defense. That is what Dads are for!
Source by Mark W Foster