As caring adults who want to find methods of encouraging positive character traits in the children and youth we love or work with, we want to give messages that reinforce their efforts. There are really only two kinds of messages that we can give young people–
- Hurtful ones that diminish or belittle them as individuals and break the spirit. The result is that we dis”couarage’ them from trying again.
- Love signals in verbal and non verbal ways that give them courage to keep trying, to celebrate talents and possibilities.
Children Prefer Beatings to Being Ignored
When I first heard that statement, I was shocked and saddened. As I have visited with those who suffered childhood trauma and abuse, they have shared the feeling that they were invisible, except for the abuse. No child should feel that way. Ever.Ever. Ever.
We often read about the commercial messages that our children are bombarded with each day and become concerned that they will believe erroneous advertising. The messages they receive from their parents and peer group is much more important and has the power to deeply alter their self esteem and identity.
Body Language is Communication of Relationships
Not all signals and sentences come from what we say, but rather how we act when we are present with our children. The crook of an eyebrow, a gesture of the hand, the pat on the back, the wink the smile, the frown, the crossed arms and impatient look are all gestures that speak volumes to others.
What is the message that a smile and a hug sends to a worried child on test day? We are encouraging them to do their best and letting them know that we love the person they are, not the test grade. When we rub our child’s back before bed, or snuggle close to watch a favorite movie we are sharing non-verbal words and encouragement.
Words to Encourage Positive Behavior
- You are very special and I have confidence you will find a good solution.
- I am impressed by how kind you were last week to our neighbor.
- You are a problem solver. Can you see what has to be done next?
- That took a lot of courage. I was impressed with your bravery.
- It looks like you are understanding the math problems. It feels good to finally “get it” doesn’t it?
- You have a good brain, I am interested to see what you think about this?
- You have really made some good choices this week. Good job.
A simple message given to our child becomes their truth and that truth then becomes their belief system and ultimately their self confidence and esteem. Thoughts and belief system govern their actions, their satisfactions and their joy.
Source by Judy H. Wright